


0200 Hours

by VintageVulpes



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, Plot? What Plot?, Total Nonsense, look at this fridge, oh my god jyn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageVulpes/pseuds/VintageVulpes
Summary: Based on a conversation had with some pals about Diego Luna and Felicity Jones's interview where Diego explains his headcanon about Jyn and Cassian retiring together only to go on and sell refrigerators on infomercials at 2 AM in the morning.This has zero plot it's just ridiculousness for the sake of ridiculousness.(I might flesh it out later to be a little more rounded out but for now, have some crack)
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	0200 Hours

“And now, please welcome, Cassian Andor, former General of the former Rebel Alliance, and Jyn Erso-Andor, former Colonel of the former Rebel Alliance. Heroes of Scarif, Endor, and Jakku with their product of the day!” The announcer, a protocol droid with a modulated voice meant for projecting over large crowds, announced and then scurried off the stage. 

Jyn and Cassian walked onto the stage, dressed in formal clothing, to stand in front of the crowd. The red, velvet curtains hung from vaulted ceiling down to the wooden stage and contrasted against his black and white suit and her white dress. With her right hand in his left, they greeted the viewers with smiles and waves. A recorder, attached to a hovering droid, swooped down to greet them, a bright light in their faces; illuminating Jyn white streak that framed her face, accenting otherwise brown hair, and Cassian’s silver in his hair and beard. 

“Good Morning,” Jyn greeted the camera. 

“Good Afternoon,” Cassian chimed. 

“And Good Evening!” Jyn finally finished while Cassian gave the recorder a playful wink. 

“Although it’s different times all across the galaxy, by standard time it’s 0200 hours and that means…”

Jyn smiled. “... late night shopping! Some of you may be flying through space. Others might be starting the day of work but, if you’re like me most days, you’re just stuck awake and bored. Nothing else to do but turn on the holonet and surf for something interesting! Well, I’m glad you’re here with us!” 

“That’s right, Jyn! We have something special for you all tonight!” 

They separated, their fingers falling apart at the tips as they waved their hands in front of a rising red curtain to reveal a selection of refrigerators. “Oh my force, Jyn, look at this refrigerator!” 

Jyn dropped her mouth open, smiling. “Wow, Cassian! Look at it!” They both turned to look at the recorder again, Cassian with his hands clasped behind his back and Jyn clasped in front of her as she continued. “We get asked a lot, ‘how did you survive The Death Star’s lethal ray three times in a row?’... Well, the third time was pure luck but the first two times… we had help.” She indicated to the fridge. 

“I don’t remember hiding in a fridge...” Cassian asked in feigned disbelief; his look mock chiding. 

She gave him a charming smile and shook her head in amusement. “No, but these refrigerators are made from the same material used in the u-wings that we flew to escape Jedha and Scarif! It’s resilient to even the hottest temperatures which means your perishables stay extra cool and safe!” 

“Wow!!” 

Jyn always had the hardest time keeping a straight face when Cassian acted so enthused and almost laughed at the way his raised his eyebrows and bent at the waist. “That’s right, Cassian. It’s robust exterior is more than just what it can keep cool though, it’s resistant to even blaster fire so imagine what it could withstand in the standard family’s household? No stains, no dents.”

“Incredible,” Cassian exclaimed and then made a show of going up to a fridge to open it while Jyn sucked on her tongue to keep from laughing. Smiles she could get away with because they had to look happy and enthusiastic but laughing could be detrimental to their sales. 

“Jyn! Look at all this space! I think I could fit a whole BB-8 unit inside!” 

A BB-8 unit, white and orange, rolled on stage and whistled a happy tune. Jyn feigned a pleasant gasp and picked up the droid to place inside the double door fridge. They each closed a door and when it closed all the way, they waved their free arms in the air. 

“With all that space, imagine the food and drink you can preserve!” Jyn said and Cassian smiled broadly. 

“Do you know how much this refrigerator goes for, Jyn?”

“Goodness, Cassian… a thousand credits?”

“Mm-mm,” he shook his head and closed his eyes. “Higher.” 

She feigned shock. “Two-thousand?”

“Higher!” Cassian challenged, looking at her again. 

“Three thousand?!”

“Thirty-two hundred, Jyn!” 

“Wow!” Jyn raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips together, like; a too bad that’s out of our range. 

“But tonight, until 0300 hours, we’re going to sell it for half that!” 

They finished their spiel and made it off stage with the BB-8 unit rolling happily behind them. Jyn patted the little droid’s head in thank you once they were behind the curtains, off stage. “Could you be any more cheesy, Cassian?” 

“Cheesy!?” Cassian exclaimed, feigning offense. “I’m _enthusiastic_!”

“No one is going to believe that the war hardened, Rebel General is this excited about refrigerators,” Jyn said and shifted her ring around her left finger. “I may know that you are enthusiastic about things like this but they don’t.” 

“Well, something tells me that this-” he donned his typical ‘rebel spy’ mask to look impassive and brooding “- doesn't sell much other than blasters.” 

“Maybe we’re in the wrong line of work,” she teased and kissed his fake frown off his lips. He smiled and kissed her a second time, more deeply, and Jyn giggled when she saw the red smudge on his upper lip and tips of his beard. She wiped it off with her thumb and blinked slowly; content. “Although I do prefer the many faces of Cassian Andor… I don’t need more of brooding boy.” She poked his nose. “Even if he is cute.” 

“I really can’t tell which one you like more…” 

“Guess we’ll have to find out when we get home… and you get me out of this stupid thing…” she said in a sultry voice, walking her fingers along his chest. He licked his lips and then she dropped the coy look and fidgeted with the fitted waist. It really was stupid. 

“I look forward to that…” he said and leaned closer only for the protocol droid to announce them back on stage. 

“I thought I would have more time to have you to myself after we retired,” she whined and he sighed heavily. 

“Soon…” 

He turned to lead them back out, the music cueing them on, and he started to do a goofy dance with a bit of a butt wiggle which she couldn’t help but laugh at and playfully follow out, like she was chasing him. The crowd clapped and they straightened to be more serious again, all smiles, and secret, meaningful looks. 

“And we’re back!” Cassian exclaimed.


End file.
